I got back from NYC at 2AM last night. I haven’t traveled at all since October 2019, so being on a plane, being in the city, etc was all kind of weird. It was great seeing Michael again. I hadn’t seen him in person since April 2019 when we went to NYC for my 40th. What a good human he is (and Thomas).
Being in NYC was just refreshing and super fun. I just took to wandering around lower Manhatten with no real aim.
You have no idea how much you just helped me. You gave it a name. I’ve always considered myself dyslexic, doing and thinking everything backwards. I was fine till maybe my 30s when I began to not tell left from right. Then I started getting everything backwards. In my late 50s, I cold turkey tried to get off an anti depressant, nobody told me to wean. Developed severe anxiety/panic/depression and couldn’t do the things I did a million times before. Like how did I use this tool? What even is this tool. (Could have been a favorite tool) can’t figure out how to do things I’ve done a million times. Get stuck in the middle like you said and can’t get past it. I just called it brain damage from that drug. I used to be normal. Once I had 3 jobs at once. Now I don’t think I can even get a job. My memory is severely impacted. Could be short term memory or instant. I can forget while you’re telling me to do something. How could I ever hold a job?anyhow thank you❤️.
I’m in a foul mood today and I don’t know why I just know nothing seems to help. 
I’ll listen to “comfort music” for hours when that hits me. And my thoughts become a recurring spiral, and it’s hard to get out of it.
Foul moods can give you some inspiration sometimes too. Go play your great music, man, just don’t record it if you don’t feel like it, cause maybe you won’t get happy with it, but whatever you play, as bad as it comes out, will make you feel better just by expressing yourself. Also, write depressing, weird lyrics so you can revisit them later and think “whoa, where did that come from?”.
I also have a learning disability, although dyscalcula has some attributes to some l.d.s
My schizoaffective doesn’t help. I also had a head issue, where I browned out (different from a blackout, because it involves doing things…but not remembering anything and lasts over a day.) for seven days.
How was everyone’s weekend? Mine was chill. Naps. Reading. Sitting in the sun. Tonight I made a curry so spicy I’m still sweating.
Had a sneaky hate spiral this weekend despite the sunlight. I used to think climate anxiety was a tiny bit overblown but sat and did the math and went a bit doomy over the idea of being an older person in a severe climate. Not a pretty thought. But the cats came in clutch as usual and provided lots of purring and cuddles. We made reservations for an outdoor cafe for tonight. I’ve had a gift card for it since early 2020. So I’m looking forward to that. It’s a high price place for this area so it’s a real treat. We need a small break.
Finally broke in the wok burner on my new hob today by making a great big vat of Nasi goreng for lunch. It turned out rather excellent, even if I say to myself, so at this particular moment the worries in my mind are taking a backseat to all sorts of delicious spicy aftertastes. Nom! 
My surgery is tomorrow. You probably won’t hear from me for a couple of days, although I can imagine I might check in on Wednesday if I’m conscious.
I will tell my son to check in here otherwise to let you know whether I’m breathing or not.
I know, dark humor.
I’m ending up having a more complex surgery than just popping a nosebone back in place. I will explain more after the fact. I know someone who had similar surgery after falling down stairs in New York City. So … small world.
OUCHNESS, good luck! 
Good luck! Take care of yourself!
All filangies crossed!
Ack! I hope it goes well, and I’ll be thinking of you.
I actually went to the office yesterday and had a day long meeting with my team, in a conference room. It was so…normal? The office (especially mine) is still a somewhat ghost town, but slowly coming back. My office is like a time capsule of March 2020.
On another note I went back and read my emails from the two week period that started around now in 2020, and my that was not a good idea. How terrifying that all was, and how optimistic that it’d be “two weeks”.
Right? I look back at how we were trying to manage the entire thing at a university campus close to “ground zero” and think back to the conversations we were having. And how we would be remote until the end of winter quarter and then reconsider for spring quarter.
Oh, we were so naïve. Or dumb. Or both.
Yup… We closed two years ago today and were originally expecting to be back by the end of the month, then the end of May, then the end of July, then the end of September, then the end of the year… Let’s just say that I’m not currently sitting in an office and haven’t been since.
This whole week is weird for me because two years ago I was writing to my Senators, the university President, everyone I could think of to ask that classes not resume in person after Spring Break. UGA’s break is always early March and we could see the writing on the wall. Thousands of college kids coming back all Covid-y and spreading it around town. Not ideal. It also threw off my escape plans. I was about to leave my job with nothing else lined up because the situation was that bad. But I hung on until September when I got hired for a temporary work from home gig. Never met those folk in person. Didn’t say goodbye to my old coworkers at all. Then started a new new job this January and have a whole new cast of folk I’m not likely to meet in person as I’m at home and they’re in NYC. I’m in a vastly different financial and mental place than in 2020 but boy, I’d appreciate it if the rest of the world shaped up lol
I learned how nauseous anesthesia could make a person (that person being me) post surgery. I also learned that projectile vomiting was real.
Glad it all went okay. Rest up. Sleep when your body says to sleep.
Sorry if this sounds generic, but I’m copying and pasting this to multiple social media…
I have a condition, important people to me know this. I’m the only one who I know with my particular one. I’ve been hit with an overwhelming amount of sadness. Like I said, I have no one I can turn to for help. I don’t know how a mid life crisis affects someone in my situation. I’m totally med compliant. You can ask Christine. This isn’t me throwing my rattle. I’m not yelling, as I head for the doors. I’m not asking for help. I,weirdly enough, don’t want it. I’m going down a road that only I can go down. I’m gonna stick around for a couple days…very limited actions. I might be back tomorrow? Next week? Or not at all. I know that sounds harsh and I really am sorry. Right now, I’m in fight or flight…and really don’t feel like either one.
